In short
- Structure helps: predictable routines, short tasks and one instruction at a time.
- Praise and warmth do more than punishment. Catch your child doing well.
- Sleep, exercise and food all affect ADHD symptoms.
- NICE recommends ADHD-focused support for parents. It does not mean you are a bad parent.
- Look after yourself too. Your wellbeing matters as well.
If you are wondering how to help a child with ADHD, you are probably already doing more than you realise. Most parents who search for this have tried reward charts, early nights, firm words and gentle ones, and still feel they are getting it wrong. You are not. Children with ADHD need more structure, more patience and more repetition than most, and that is hard work for any family.
This guide brings together practical advice from the NHS and NICE, and from many years of seeing families in clinic. No family does all of it, and small changes made consistently tend to work better than big plans.
First, you are not to blame
ADHD is not caused by parenting. It is a neurodevelopmental condition, shaped mainly by genes and by how the brain develops. Yet many parents, mothers especially, are made to feel the difficulties are their fault, sometimes by the very people they turn to for help.
NICE guidance is clear that when parent training or education is suggested, it does not imply bad parenting. The aim is to help parents meet the above-average parenting needs of a child with ADHD. Dr Bozena Zoric has written a book on how mothers can be wrongly blamed in ADHD pathways. You can read about it on our page When parents feel blamed in ADHD pathways.
How to parent a child with ADHD: the basics
NICE advises parents of children with ADHD to focus on three things: warm, positive contact with their child, clear and consistent rules about behaviour, and structure in the child's day. Almost every tip below comes back to one of these.
Build predictable routines
Children with ADHD often find it hard to organise themselves and to switch from one activity to the next. A predictable routine takes some of that load off them.
- Keep mornings, after school and bedtime roughly the same each day.
- Use a picture or written checklist for routines, such as getting ready for school, and keep it somewhere easy to see.
- Warn your child before a change: "Five more minutes, then shoes on."
- Pack bags and lay out clothes the night before.
Give instructions that land
The NHS suggests giving clear, simple instructions one at a time, in a calm voice. In practice:
- Go to your child, say their name and make eye contact before you speak.
- Give one instruction, not three. "Put your shoes on" rather than "get ready".
- Ask them to repeat it back.
- Say what you want them to do, not only what to stop.
Use praise generously
Children with ADHD often hear far more criticism than praise, at home and at school. Over time that wears down their confidence. The NHS recommends praising your child when they do well, or using a reward chart.
Try to catch your child being good, and say exactly what you liked: "You started your reading without being asked. Well done." Praise effort, not just results. Small, immediate rewards often work better for children with ADHD than big rewards at the end of the week.
Keep rules few, clear and consistent
Choose a handful of house rules that matter most, and stick to them. Agree them with any other adults who care for your child, so the rules do not change depending on who is in charge. When a rule is broken, a calm, short and predictable consequence works better than a long argument.
How to deal with a child with ADHD when things get heated
Big feelings and outbursts are common in children with ADHD. They are rarely planned. Often your child is overwhelmed, frustrated or acting before they have had time to think.
How to calm a child with ADHD
- Stay as calm as you can. Lower your voice and say less.
- Give your child some space, or a calm place to go, if it helps them settle.
- Talk it through later, once everyone is calm, rather than in the middle of it.
- Notice patterns. Hunger, tiredness, sudden changes and transitions are common triggers.
Physical activity helps many children release energy and settle. The NHS recommends making time for active things your child enjoys, as exercise helps focus their energy.
Sleep, food and screens
Sleep matters a great deal. A tired child of any kind finds it harder to concentrate and manage their feelings, and many children with ADHD struggle to settle at night. Keep a regular bedtime, a calm wind-down, and a dark, quiet bedroom.
For food, the NHS and NICE advise a healthy, balanced diet and regular mealtimes. If a particular food or drink seems to affect your child, keep a food and drink diary and talk to a health professional before cutting foods out. NICE does not recommend removing artificial colourings and additives as a general treatment for ADHD.
Heavy screen use can cause restlessness and poor focus that look like ADHD, and many children with ADHD find their symptoms worse with more screen time. It helps to keep screens out of the bedroom and switch them off well before bed. Agreed, predictable limits cause fewer battles than limits decided in the moment.
Homework and school
Homework is a common flashpoint. The NHS suggests splitting tasks such as homework into short slots of 15 to 20 minutes with a break between each.
- Choose a quiet spot, away from screens and siblings.
- Break big tasks into small steps, and tick each one off.
- Use a timer so the end is in sight.
- Do the hardest task first, while energy is highest.
Talk to your child's teacher and the school's SENCO about support in class, help with homework and friendships. Our guide to ADHD and school covers this in more depth.
Brothers and sisters
ADHD affects the whole family. NICE asks professionals to find out how a child's ADHD affects parents and other family members. Siblings may feel the child with ADHD gets all the attention, or that the rules are not fair.
- Spend a little one-to-one time with each child, even ten minutes.
- Explain ADHD to siblings in simple terms, so they understand it is not their brother or sister being "naughty".
- Keep house rules the same for everyone where you can, while allowing for different needs.
- Give siblings a safe place to say how they feel.
Looking after yourself
Parenting a child with ADHD can be exhausting, and it is easy to put yourself last. NICE encourages parents and carers to seek an assessment of their own needs, including their mental health, and to join self-help and support groups where that helps.
Ask for help from family and friends, take breaks where you can, and talk to your GP if you are struggling. If you recognise ADHD traits in yourself, you are not alone: ADHD often runs in families, and NICE recognises that a parent with ADHD may need extra support with organisation and routines.
Parent training and ADHD support for parents in the UK
NICE recommends that parents of all children with ADHD aged 5 and over are offered ADHD-focused support. This can be group based and short, and should include information about ADHD, advice on parenting strategies and, with consent, links with school. Where a child also has oppositional or defiant behaviour, NICE recommends a fuller parent-training programme. Support can start before a formal diagnosis.
National support
- The NHS lists organisations including ADHD UK, ADHD Adult UK, which has information for parents, Young Minds and AADD-UK, which lists support groups across the UK.
- Your local council's family hubs support children and young people and their families.
You do not need to wait for a diagnosis to use any of these. The government's recent independent review of ADHD services stresses support before and after diagnosis.
- Triple P Online (ages up to 12) and Teen Triple P Online are paid online parenting courses you can do at home.
- ADHD Embrace, a London ADHD charity, runs parent support, advice sessions and workshops. Families outside Richmond and Kingston pay a small fee.
Local parent support in Surrey
- Barnardo's runs the Surrey Positive Parenting Service for parents and carers of children aged 6 to 18 who have ADHD or show ADHD behaviours, including programmes for families still waiting for a diagnosis.
- Surrey and Borders Partnership NHS Foundation Trust keeps a list of ADHD resources and support groups.
- Your GP or your child's SENCO may know of parent groups and courses in your area.
When home strategies are not enough
For many children, changes at home and school make a real difference. For some, difficulties continue despite everyone's best efforts. NICE advises that medication is offered to children aged 5 and over only if symptoms are still causing significant difficulty after changes to their environment have been put in place and reviewed. Our guide to ADHD medication for children explains more.
If your child does not yet have a diagnosis, a proper assessment can help you understand what is going on and what will help. Our free ADHD questionnaire is a good first step, and you can read about a private ADHD assessment for your child with our consultant paediatricians in West Byfleet.
Remember what is going well. Children with ADHD are often creative, energetic, funny and full of ideas. Our page on the many good things about ADHD is worth reading on a hard day.
Questions parents ask
How do you calm down a child with ADHD?
Keep your own voice low and calm, say less, and give your child a little space if they need it. Talking things through works better once everyone has settled. Over time, notice what tends to set off outbursts, such as hunger, tiredness or sudden changes, and plan around them.
How do you explain ADHD to a child?
Keep it simple and positive. You might say their brain works in a slightly different way, which makes some things, like sitting still or remembering instructions, harder, and other things, like having ideas or energy, easier. Make clear it is nobody's fault and that lots of people have ADHD.
Is there ADHD support for parents in the UK?
Yes. NICE recommends that parents of children with ADHD are offered ADHD-focused support. National charities and local parent groups also offer information, courses and a chance to meet other families. Your GP or the school's SENCO can tell you what is available locally.
How do you deal with an ADHD child who will not listen?
Get your child's attention first, by going to them, saying their name and making eye contact. Give one short instruction, then ask them to repeat it back. Praise them as soon as they start. Shouting from another room rarely works for any child, and especially not for a child with ADHD.